TAG | fear
5
I’m A Law Student
4 Comments | Posted by Jerrick in Emotions, Law, Me, Thoughts., UK, University, Writing
The exams are halfway done. Well slightly more than halfway done and here’s a semi-post mortem mortem. Tomorrow I have Property and here I am typing this blogpost. What scares me the most is the work that I have not done. I don’t think I’ve done enough for my exam. For this year almost. It’s a scary feeling to think that you’re getting by on the skin of your teeth and all those around you have that much more drive and that much more enthusiasm or fear, or a mix of both.
The fact of the matter is, the stuff that I’m studying right now, don’t make me hungry. They don’t make me wanna be a lawyer, or a kickass litigator, or a barrister. Whatever these topics are, they are stories to me above all; sometimes funny, sometimes sad stories. And I’ve outgrown stories. All I feel like doing with them is drawing threads through them and forming some sort of coherent overview of the way law looks like, a novella of the law if you will. This does not a law student make. These cases, these precedents do not offer anything but a glimpse into the law in the past, but nothing about what it can or should be. I don’t like that. I don’t like that it just seems to be a memorisation exercise at times and the detailed work is beyond most competent minds let alone mine. At this point, I’m just tired of it all and compared to those around me, I can’t even call myself the most hardworking.
Of course to those around me, this is something they don’t see. And that may be a symptom of my demeanor. I’ve never been one to mope. I can’t mope. I can’t be really dejected. In a moment of anguish, or fear, I’m more likely to crack a joke or just be alone. Never indulging in the frivolous exercise of self pity. What’s the point anyway? There’s always tomorrow to wake up to and tomorrow you hope to be a better person. A better, more intelligent, more hardworking person.
20
Find Me
0 Comments | Posted by Jerrick in Emotions, Everything, Me, Them, Thoughts., Writing, poem
He would type,
Trying to find his voice in the sea of voices,
He would sing,
God only knows he would sing,
only to be silenced by the pit of being but one in a crowd.
He would dance,
Inelegant and vain dances of hope and longing,
someday he would find her too.
On that floor where they first met,
in the place where he’d be.
Back in that foreign land,
4 and a half years ago,
on that stage,
where he knew something to be true.
He needs to find himself, soon,
whether in that long ago hope,
or in another, who finds him or,
for him to find.
