A Light Satire: The Singaporean Man

NB: For those of you who have not the time/inclination to plow through this long post. I’ll suggest reading the intro and conclusion. They’re my summary points essentially. Though I do attempt to make some thoroughly entertaining commentary in the body text so don’t ignore that either! Thanks y’all!

The Male Homo Sapien Singaporus (HSS) is generally found in the tropical island of Temasek where a strong and fatherly figure has created a pleasant if slightly euthanised environment for the healthy and wealthy breeding of HSSes. These HSSes vary in size, shape, colour, orientation, movie preference, dress sense, and general grooming habits. However compared to the HSes from other nations, they’re ranked near bottom of the heap when it comes to engaging in mating rituals. Such epic FAIL, can be attributed to several factors, but a couple of which stand out in the mind of this writer.

First among them is a conservative upbringing. The conservative Singaporean must necessarily be taught never to think about, mention, question, ask about, look at, switch on his internet connection for, leave the country to obtain illegally, pay for, ask for, give jewelry for, get married for and most importantly perform the act of sexual intercourse of any sort. He or she is asked to make babies. But the act of doing so repulses the Singaporean so much and he is so lightly informed about the act of producing said baby, that he or she will have to indulge in copious amounts of food; readily available from convenient stores all around the island, in place of such an action. When there is a mention of such an action, the necessary response that has been taught over and over is to denounce the person/book/action as wrong/perverted/YOU STUPID MOTHER***** GO KISS A **** and DUCK YOUR FISH, flush, and then move swiftly away and stare intently at the large woman across the street holding the ice cream cone.

As a result of such repression, mainly on a societal level, as even as the government has tried, rather unsuccessfully to get the local populace to mate at a desirable level of 2.1 children per couple, it seems that social stigma will win the day as the Singaporean is forced to hold in any desire. Often the Singaporean will have to find some other avenue of expression of his or her feelings and these can range from Shopping on the tamer side, to flaming anyone who may stand in his or her way. The unfortunate thing is that also as a result of the repression, they are unable to find expression for those desires that may lurk, and as a result there are many severely socially crippled Singaporean men who would stare enviously at those who are more equipped *Hint: some of those who’ve lived outside the country/ are from outside the country* to speak to a person of the opposite sex/ he’s attracted to.

It is NATURALLY a generalisation that this writer is writing about and he’s more than aware that he is Singaporean. However, that is not to say that he feels that he’s managed to overcome or even understand his own personal demons. He’s just pointing out that stereotypes are rooted in truth and here the truth stands out. There are many men who are perfectly competant at attracting and handling themselves around women, but when faced with even the slightest provocation by another man, their caveman upbringing comes to fore and they’re see passive aggressive/active aggression as the way to resolve such problems. They’ll swear, they’ll rant, they’ll do everything it takes to make their displeasure known without actually saying what they really feel to object of all this brouhaha, the WOMAN in question. I present exhibit A.

A random person (female) I knew had posted a suggestive status post on FB, i responded in kind. The response provided was Huh?, to which i just repeated the status post. Shortly after this whole debacle, I received a message from the female’s boyfriend basically cussing me out with a “take down notice”. I had contemplated sending several messages back, one of which involved pointing out his lack of cojones and that he should be ashamed. In the end, i decided that it wasn’t worth it, and just reported the message to Facebook as harassment.

This writer is shocked by the incompetent and necessarily deprived members of the male species of Homo Sapien Singaporeus. They are a shy, unassuming breed, but when provided the tools i.e. the Internet, unleash a passive aggressive manner that both bewilders the feminine sex and gives them a red colouring that can also be attributed to their inability to imbibe copious amounts of a liquid also known as Vodka-Lime. Ultimately, this writer would like to sign off with a simple plea. Get over yourselves guys, not everyone who talks to your Gfs are trying to STEAL them and if you were that insecure in the first place, she probably shouldn’t be with you.

That’s All.


7 thoughts on “A Light Satire: The Singaporean Man

  1. A lotta repressed emotive states in the typical Singaporean male.

    I can’t stand jealous dickwads as well, annoy the heck outta me with their insecurity.

  2. i SO know what you’re talking abt. the thing is, how to i get someone to read and UNDERSTAND this? haha.


  3. @brian koh I just wonder though if some women find such behavior endearing in a pre-feminist sort of way. Its like being at two minds about the whole women standing on their own and men should just get the F outta the way, or the whole damsel in distress syndrome. The answer as is typical, will probably be somewhere in the middle.

    @wj Hey! Lol i cannot say I didn’t have certain stories to draw on as I wrote this post. But I do think that there’re two sides to it as seen from the above. And after all’s said and done, women cannot be blamed for wanting a strong masculine figure in their lives.

  4. I’ll just make it brief.

    Men, if you are too freaking shy to make the move and at least say hi to a woman, dont freaking complain that you cant find a date.

    Its YOUR fault.

  5. Quote: “@brian koh I just wonder though if some women find such behavior endearing in a pre-feminist sort of way. Its like being at two minds about the whole women standing on their own and men should just get the F outta the way, or the whole damsel in distress syndrome. The answer as is typical, will probably be somewhere in the middle.”

    Oi big guy, what has it gotta do with women finding it endearing or not? Obviously in this case, the guy is just insecure. Plain and simple. You think he did that JUST because his girl told him she liked being fought over? Haha. Oh man even if he thought so (that she might like it)… Ugh goes to show just how insecure this guy really is, that he has to fight over her to make himself feel more manly.

    Ugh, juvenile. Tell me why I’m not attached. Haha.

  6. @nicole honestly? You’re too much of the “standing on their own and men should just get the F outta the way” kinda grrl. Plus men are juvenile anyway so why would you want to date one?

    But to counter argue, if she found it endearing, they would have an incentive to continue acting in such a pathetic way. I’m not saying its justified, I’m just saying it makes it all right.

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